I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
