The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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