my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
