When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The Olympian is in my bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
