you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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