She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
