Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
