dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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