Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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