Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
