Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
