apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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