I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
