No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
