Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
