My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
