so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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