I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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