I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
