In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
