Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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