Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
