Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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