apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
