in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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