Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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