you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
