the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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