Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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