just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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