i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
