i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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