your parents love me but you hate me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
