i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
