Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
