i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
