The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize