Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
