I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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