Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
