You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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