It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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