The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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