i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
