dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yo dont text me then not text me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
