Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn't notice because vodka
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
