Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
