tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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