Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
