If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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